Three Years

Ok...and plus a couple days.

It has been hectic around here so this post is late. But rest assured, I didn't let Family Day go by unnoticed. We enjoyed a nice Ore ice cream cake and a quiet dinner at home on Feb 21st. It was our Third Family Day. Wow! I can't believe we have been home for 3 years! Where does the time go?

Three years ago Mike, Colby, and I completed what now seems like a whirlwind few weeks and landed in NYC. We were greated by both mine and Mike's parents. It was late at night, after two plane rides and many hours, much of which I didn't sleep. Our journey to Colby and becoming a family had finally ended with us walking through the door. All the emotion and the sense of uncertainty was done. He was ours and nothing could change that.

And now..... Colby has changed our lives forever. We enjoy watching Scooby-Doo and the Flintstones once again. We eat much more peanut butter and fluff and mac n' cheese than we should. We go to the circus, hockey games, and Disney Ice Shows. Watching our son learn to swim (actual swim strokes, perhaps a swim team in the future), ride a bike, and read and write are huge achievements we will always cherish. We have had to buy more new shoes than we can count (now on a size 13!) and our grocery bill has just about doubled. Our conversations revolve around how independent our big boy has become. And yes, a few setbacks with the recent hernia surgery and a pending eye surgery. However, since Feb 21, 2009 Colby has grown a foot from 32 inches to 44 inches and gained only about 17 pounds from 23 to 40. So tall and skinny. It is amazing to see what good food and lots of love have grown! He has lost his baby boy face and really turned into such a big boy. Turning 5 in April, Colby amazes me everyday with the things he says and does. He loves books, letters and numbers, and building Legos. He enjoys spending time with his cousin Keith and his grandparents but loves being home with Mommy and Daddy too. Always quick with a hug and kiss, and lately a devilish little grin. How lucky we are to have him in our lives? Many people say that he is the lucky one to have us adopt him. I don't necessarily agree. I think we are the lucky ones to have our lives blessed by this amazing little man.

                 February 2009- Leaving the baby home.

                 February 21, 2010- Colby's Baptism.    February 2011- Family Day dessert.

Adoption Thoughts, Another Funeral, and Many Unanswered Questions.

I know it has been quite awhile since I have posted here. Valentine's Day has come and gone. We had a nice, quiet, family dinner and yummy cannolis for dessert. My favorite! Daddy and Colby bought me a huge valentine's card and some pretty red and white flowers. All in all, a good day.

However, my mind has been preoccupied by other things lately. I've had this post in mind and haven't known where to start it. But here we go....

Everyon important in my life knows that Mike and I came to be parents through the amazing opportunity of adoption. We have been blessed with the most adorable, outgoing, smart little boy, who I truly feel was meant to be ours from the moment he was born. However, his adoption was not my first experience with adoption. On the contrary, I have 3 cousins who were adopted and even before that, I was introduced to the world of adoption at the young age of 5. I myself was adopted by my dad, Tom. My mom had previously been married and had my two brothers and me. When she married Tom, I was 5 and I am not sure of the whole story but he adopted my brother Keith and me. Our biological father, Armand, decided he would let us be adopted but he wanted to have Chris as his son. So, Chris wasn't able to be adopted. I know that Tom would have adopted all three of us if he could. In that way, I became 1/2 adopted. I never really thought of it much. Tom has always been my dad. And I considered Armand as my brother Chris's dad, nothing else. I have 2 sisters, 2 brothers, a mom, and a dad. Overall a pretty big, crazy, but great family.

It wasn't until I was in high school and college, when the idea of relationships and having boys care about me that I think the idea of Armand not wanting me started to needle its way into my mind. He left me, he didn't want me, so... in my mind who would. It left a lot of self-doubt and a pretty low self-esteem. Through adopting Colby and talking about my experience with the social worker I realize it wasn't me. I don't know why Armand did what he did, but it wasn't something I did. I was a baby when he divorced my mom. I've thought about talking with him but how do you talk to a man you know nothing about and who didn't want a relationship with you? It seemed to hard.

When we lost my grandmother, Mamie, in 2009, Armand showed up at her funeral. I had seen him a few other times, including at my grandfather's funeral in 2006, but there he was, at MY grandmother's funeral. WHY??? I didn't know what to do, but Mike pushed me to go talk to him. So, I did, but with Colby in tow. Having him there made it seem easier somehow. I said hello and introduced him to Colby. Armand looked shocked and yes, somewhat hurt. Maybe he had thought about our relationship over the years and realized he might have made a mistake. But so much has occured since then. You can't take back 30 years worth of hurt in one conversation. We talked for awhile but I realized that I probably would never know the real story behind their breakup and Armand letting us go. I couldn't ask him. I let it go.

Now, last Friday, the day of Colby's surgery, I received a call from my mom. Chris had gone to see his dad and Armand was gone. Yes, the fourth funeral for us in just a couple months. I was shocked and immediately thought of Chris and worried that he would be alright. I told Mike and his first reaction was tears for me. He was worried about me. Why? I hadn't lost someone, Chris did. I had lost Armand 30 years ago....Right? He hadn't been and isn't a part of my life, so what has changed? Or is a part of me gone???

Armand is not my dad, Tom is. And I am so blessed to have him as my dad. We may have our disagreements and not always see eye to eye, but I know he would do anything for me. He chose me as his daughter, and for that I am honored. So, what do I think about Armand, someone who is biologically my "father" being gone??? I just don't know. I hate to say, for fear that others will think I am cruel or unfeeling, that I really feel nothing. I am so sorry for Chris and will always be there to support him. We will be going to the memorial dinner this Wed night, but otherwise, I don't know what to think. I will always be thankful to Armand for giving me my life. However, questions unasked will remain, answers will be left unsaid, and I don't think we will ever know the "true" answer as to why my past was laid out how it was. But in the end, I thank God that he found Tom to be there for my mom, Keith, and me. He was the blessing that showed me the true joy that adoption brings and gave me the faith to proceed with Colby's adoption.

But what do you think???

On another note, this morning we recieved a phone call and Mike's grandfather has also passed away. So now he is with his love of 65 years ago once again. Nana passed away in early December and I truly feel that Mike's Poppy missed her so much he needed to be back with her. We will all miss you!

Surgery

What a great way to spend a Friday! Not really....

Well, today was a no work day for the family. We had to wake up very early, even before the sun, to the amazement of Colby. And at 6AM we were at St. Mary's Hospital for surgery.... YUCK!

Being a preemie, Colby does have a few medical things that have popped up. Along with his eyesight, Colby had developed a hernia. We were told he had one when he was born and inbetween our two trips they had it operated on. And now he had one on the other side. So, minor surgery to correct that. I think Mommy and Daddy were more nervous than Colby. He wore very cute tiger hospita jammies and snuggled his Coast Guard Teddy. They gave him some silly juice to make him sleepy before they wheeled him away. It was quite cute and produced a bunch of nervous laughs from all of us. Colby's head started nodding forward and he kept asking if his shirt was on and where he was. He almost looked drunk. Then he was taken away. He thought the bed on wheels was totally cool.

 Before: Full of smiles but tired.

Mommy became a wreck then but it was still early so we went to grab a quick breakfast. The surgery took only about 35 minutes or so. Thankfully we didn't even have much time to fret before the doctor came out and said he was doing ok. We were brought back to the recovery room and Colby snuggled with me a little bit. But boy is he getting big! Then he rested on his bed and watched a few cartoons. He was still out of it but soon he started joking and laughing with the nurses. The nurse asked him if he was still tired and with all his drama he laid back and started snoring! Oh boy! Guess he was ok. And after drinking some juice we were discharged and sent home to "rest". Do those nurses realize that 4 year old boys don't really rest? Only directions were to keep him relaxed and no stressful movements. But yet here he is running and doing splits. Yikes! I'm glad he isn't hurting but I don't want him to hurt himself and have to go back to the doctor. We do have a followup we have to schedule. I'm hoping for Monday. Then we can see if he's all set to go back to school. Monday is a no-school day for us anyway so that works out well. But someone tell me how do I get a 4, almost 5, year old boy to settle down and rest?He's already tired of the TV. Mommy can use the rest and so can Daddy. HELP!!!

 

After: A little groggy and amazed by the IV in his hand.

Time Goes By

Here I sit in my office after a long day of teaching Reading. I'm looking at a picture of the most adorable little boy ever. Ok, I admit, as his mom I am truly biased. But what a grin he has. I'm ready to go home and see what my "boys" have been up to and to get ready for a busy weekend.  Boy how my life has changed.

Three years ago on 2/4/09 my life was changed forever. A judge questioned us and listened to us, probably not understanding a word of what we said until it was translated. Then after some laughs about the "basement cat" and a question about why I have dolls in our family room (they are china dolls, decorations)  that judge declared us the parents of one Colby Michael, then aged 22 months. Oh my gosh. I thought I was going to lose it right there and I know I had a few tears in my eyes. We would still have to wait about 2 weeks to pick him up but Colby was ours and we became a family of three, no longer just a couple. Totally amazing.

I'm not sure where the time has gone. Now our little baby has grown into a big boy of almost 5. Very energetic, he has a laugh that is contagious. And a smile that melts my heart everyday. It's like Colby was meant to be ours. I count my lucky stars to be chosen to be his Mommy forever and ever. And to be loved all the way to the "back moon" is the best thing ever. It was a long road but we made it through. So here's to Court Day!