We went to Yekaterinburg

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Craziness and Happenings

Ok. I have had a moment to think about things here and now I can put them into words. You will all be happy to know that it truly had nothing to do with Colby. Just my mess. So, here goes:

Some of you might now that I was an elementary teacher for 8 years. I worked hard to complete my degree and looked for that job for 2 years before landing a part-time job teaching Kindergarten. After two years, I moved up to teach second grade. The last 4 years that I taught I bounced back and forth between second and third grade due to budget cuts. We had new administration come in during my last year of teaching in 2007-2008, both a new principal and a new superintendent. Things being as they were, quite a long story there, I left that job. I can't say I wanted to, but I did. Not much of a choice truly. So while Mike and I were going through our adoption, even before we met Colby, I lost my teaching job.

That year was quite difficult for me in many ways. The stress of the adoption and the nonsense at school really started me questioning if I was doing the right thing. I had always wanted to be a teacher. I love helping kids learn new things and helping them to succeed, especially those kids that are really struggling. So, while we waited to travel to get Colby I took a job as a school photographer. That was new and challenging and fun. Not much money in that though. Now that we have Colby, I am a stay at home mom. I love it but I do miss going to work and seeing adults, enjoying adult interaction. Financially we are ok. Paying for health benefits is, however, very difficult. Mike works for his dad and will eventually take over the remodeling business, hence he can't get health benefits. My teaching job was great because it gave us very good benefits. Now we are paying through the nose for very little and still we get bills for Colby's doctor appointments. Ugh! So, with that I decided to try to find a new teaching job.

I was, and still am, uncertain if I want to go back to teaching. But, I spent this summer sending resumes, working with an agency that helps teachers find jobs, and going on interviews. I must have gone on about 8-10 interviews. I lsot count. However, in the end, I found no job. Schools started this week or some start next week. Last week was a whirlwind with a couple last minute interviews, one for a long-term sub job, but still nothing. I just don't know why. Perhaps they see that I am tentative about going back, perhaps they see that year off and wonder what really happened, perhaps I just mess up on the interviews. I tend to think it is the last one. I stink at interviews. I am great at writing my feelings and thoughts but stink at talking to people about myself and "tooting my own horn" so to speak. Perhaps, this is someone's way of telling me that I don't belong in the education field anymore. But then that leads me to think, "Then what should I be doing?". Many people would die to be at home with their children. Believe me, I am thrilled that I can be and that we are doing ok without my additional income. Not great, ok. I am thrilled that I have these moments with Colby together and that we can go to the park, and spend time with friends, and just enjoying being Mommy and Colby. What a blessing. However, I have two college degrees that I worked hard for, I enjoy working and the feeling of accomplishment that I get from it, and I don't much like relying on others, even if it is my husband. I do know that raising our son and taking care of the house is a HUGE accomplishment but maybe I need more. I just don't know.

What's next? Where do I go now? Should I just be at home and enjoy Colby? If I shouldn't teach anymore, then what should I do? Is it ok to jsut be Mommy? These are the questions that I have been struggling with, and to date, I have no real answers. However, I have decided that for now, it is ok to be home. We need to sort out the health benefits mess but we will be ok. I'll have time to enjoy my son and even get the house in order. I'll even have time, perhaps, to get his Lifebook together, photos sorted and put on CDs, and other fun activities. Other ideas, maybe I'll try to get into tutoring somehow. We'll see what happens.

So, that's what's been happening. In the mean time, Colby and I had a wonderful summer. We went on many day trips to enjoy the warm weather, once it came. And Colby is really becoming a little fish. I can't wait to get him into some swimming lessons. I can't believe how much he is growing, learning, and exploring everything around him. He truly is my blessing!


Anonymous said...

Don't stress over it and just be grateful and enjoy being home with your son... everything happens for a reason and you being home is where u are suppose to be right now.. do u know how many working moms that would give anything to stay home..

Amy said...

I agree, don't stress and enjoy this time with Colby. I put my teaching career on hold to become a stay at home mom. Tomorrow marks 6 years of my being home (school starts tomorrow). Do I miss it? No; I volunteered a lot while my older 2 were in preschool, pre-K and Kindergarten. I'm planning to stay home with Kiwi and Bruiser for another 5 years. I feel I rather spend time with my kids and teach them and experience their 1st than someone elses. You have many more years to be a teacher, but Colby is only young once. And believe me they grow up so fast; my two start 1st grade and home 6 years on the 30th. Where did the time go?!!??! Enjoy your time (and sorry for the rambling).

Jenny said...

I, too, always wanted to be a teacher. I also always had plans of being a stay-at-home mommy when I had children. Things don't always go as planned though. For several reasons beyond my control...I must work. I do teach second grade, so I get to stay home with my children in the summer. This past summer, I realized that I "need" to work. I need adult interaction. Maybe it is selfish...I don't know. When I am away from my children, I really want to spend more time with them. On top of that,I feel like teaching is my ministry. Nobody can tell you what is "right" for you.

Laura said...

We always hear the saying "the grass is always greener".

I'm thinking every single day as I drop Kristina off at daycare, "Oh, if I could just stay at home instead of work for the next few years until she's in school...."

I know you don't take for granted this wonderful time you have with Colby ~ you're just feeling a few stressors with the health insurance and all.

I don't know much about the teaching industry but the teachers at Kristina's daycare are truly wonderful. They seem to really enjoy watching the kids learn to share, say words, and play "nice". I can see you doing something like that, Melissa -- but in time.

Enjoy your time with Colby and when it's "your time" to go back to work, it will all fall into place.

Many blessings to you, dear friend.

~Laura :)

Mountain Girl said...

Have you thought about being a substitute teacher? Of course, you would need some flexibility with daycare for Colby, but a thought. Plus that could help you get into a school IF you wanted to return to teaching. Another option might be to look at getting credentialed to be an early intervention specialist. Where I live: you make good money, work as a contractor (no health benefits, but you'd be making more money), and you can make your own schedule - few hours/more hours. OR you might just need to be staying home with Colby! :-)

Sharon and Patrick said...

Hang in there! Things happen for a reason, when the time is right something will come your way! Enjoy Colby while you can..Take one day at a time..Hey we have the fall festivals to look forward to.

Mountain Girl said...

I looked up your state (CT) on your blog - here is information about the 0-3 program. One asset you would bring to the program is having an internationally adopted son. I'm not sure how the CT program compares to CO, but here the pay is terrific, but they want you to have a master's in early childhood special ed - I have a teaching license, but not a master's in ecse which I have just now started to work on. Write me a comment and leave your email if you want to discuss further.

Joy said...

What about teaching the teachers? If you have a Masters degree you could teach at an online school.

I am in the process of getting my Masters so that I can do just that. I go to the University of Phoenix online. Everything in on line so that highlights your ability to put your thoughts on paper.

Just a thought,

Kathleen said...

It does sound like you are very tentative about getting back into teaching. I'm sure it is a very difficult decision for you and Mike to make about what to do next. I wish you both all the best as always.