Still Waiting

I had completed my 4 pound paperwork "baby", as I referred to it to many of my friends and family on March 5, 2008. I was ecstatic about having my end of the process complete, but now I had to learn to be patient as I waited for other people to do their job. As most of my family can attest to, I am not a patient waiter. On the contrary, I like to know when things will be done, who will be doing them, and what I can do to hurry up the process. Ok, you can say it, I do have a control problem. Luckily I had my job to keep me preoccupied through March and some of April. After that, things only got worse. Now I was waiting for someone to call about the adoption yet worrying that I would need to turn the referral down because I did not have a job anymore. I felt like is was riding on a runaway train of failure. I am not sure how I got through it, except for Mike's constant and unending love and support, as well as the support and love of my mother and other family members. March and April seemed like the longest months ever.

Around early-April, we finally got a phone call from Vica. Oh my gosh! Could this be it? Mike talked to her that day. I don't remember where I was but I do remember feeling almost jealous that he received the call and I didn't. It now seems awful to think that I felt that way, but I guess I always imagined both Mike and I home together, sharing that phone call together. Well, in the end, Vica was calling to let us know the region that our dossier was sent to in Russia. She also needed us to fill out one more piece of paperwork and she hoped to have our referral within a few weeks of that paper being completed. Mike and I signed the paper, I got it notarized and apostilled right away and it was off in about 2 days. Then we waited some more, still uncertain when we would receive "the call".

After we finished that paper, I let 2 weeks go by before I started to "bug" first Mike then Vica about the referral. Vica must have hated having me email her every week. I didn't know what else to do and emailing her helped to convince myself that I was doing something to push the referral along. Illogical thinking, but when you are waiting for a life-changing event, your thoughts don't always follow logical paths. Luckily I kept most of my thoughts to myself, although I shared many with Mike, otherwise everyone would think I was going crazy. Perhaps I was, but they did say we would have our referral very soon and April and then all of May went by without a call. Where was that call? Why did I have to suffer all this waiting time? Vica said about 2 weeks and then another month passed by without a call. My little patience that I did have was waining very thin.

In between waiting, I was also trying to find a job. However, I was very uncertain of what I wanted to do. Did I want to continue with the type of job I had before? Was it time for something new? Opening a book store would be the ultimate but the judge wants to see financial gains, not a financial disaster. Everything in my life was in such turmoil and I felt like I was loosing control. I hate that feeling. Where's the job that's right for me? Where's the phone call? Yikes, an interview! I hate interviews! Everything was a mess. My saving grace was the support from Mike, my family, and my few friends. But fixing the job situation was, and continues to be, my problem. No one can fix that for me. So I decided to work on that issue first and perhaps that would keep me busy enough to stop thinking about the pending referral call. Or so I thought. So the rollercoaster took a nose-dive and I needed to get myself back up. I think I am getting there. We are now on a steady, yet slow climb up.