Guess It Can Wait

Ok. I give in. I agree with all the comments I recieved and I appreciate them more than you'll ever know. Everyone had the same line of thought. Let the Lord decide. So I will, or at least I will try.

I am not sure why I am drawn to this particular little girl. What drew me in, I'll probably never know. I will keep track of her and hope and pray that she finds a forever family. I guess that is all I can do. No, I am not giving up on adopting more. Believe me, we will. But with a small house, wanting a girl and definitely more than one more child, and having not enough bedrooms, I guess I will have to wait. Our house is small, it is not the house we want forever. Mike wants a house with more land and room for a workshop for his business. I want at least 3 bedrooms and a spare room for crafting, office, etc. I also want out of the city we live in. It is great for now with city preschool and the PAL program that offers great sport activities for Colby. But in the long run, I would like a better neighborhood. However, with this markey, there is no way we can sell our house and hope to get a mortgage on something new. So, we wait. We wait, and we wait.

It seems that I have always pushed my will on my life, trying to force things to happen. I didn't get my first teaching job right away and then only a part-time job. I didn't find my sweetheart right away, we married when I was 30 (ok, 31 the next month). I didn't have children when everyone else did, then I had to travel around the world to winter in Siberia. Nothing has come easy, although it hasn't been tragic or awful either, just..... hard. Now, I feel like I am pushing again. I don't want to push. I want it to be right for me, and for Mike, and especially for Colby. Now may be the right time for me, but I'm not sure it's right for all of us. So, I will stop and wait. I will leave it to God as so many wonderful people have mentioned and see what happens. Maybe I'll wait just a little while, or maybe another year or so. I just hope it won't be too long. But I give in. I hand over control (something I hate to do) to God, life in general, whoever it may be. We'll see what happens.