Struggles

Today just hasn't turned out to be a great day. Truthfully it hasn't been a great few days. Colby brought home some sort of cold which had him stuffy for a day or so but Mike got it really bad. Me, it landed as a huge headache for 4 days or so. And I guess I'm just not handling all the change as well as I should.

I thought going to Preschool would be a big deal for Colby. He should care that I am leaving him, right? He shouldn't want to go on a school bus by himself, right? But he does. He is all to eager to go off without me. And that leaves me home with nothing to do. Well, except the laundry, the dishes and whatever. I guess I am just not sure where I fit in now. I was a student, then I became the teacher, now I'm not either. I was me, then a wife, now a mom. But what does that mean.

In this time, I have also had a few more interviews for teaching. Don't know how I feel about that either. At times I am excited about perhaps going back but then I worry about missing things with Colby. What if he gets sick or school is canceled? I feel like staying at home is important but yet at the same time Colby doesn't seem to need me there anymore, not if he's going to be at school. I feel that teaching is important too but I don't know if I am ready to go back to it yet either. I am at a crossroads and can't seem to find the energy to move. I don't know which way to turn so here I sit, stuck.

And I really miss Mamie......
http://adoptingcolby.blogspot.com/2009/09/mamie.html

I guess this says it all. While Colby sits mad at me, I sit, not knowing how to fix it all.