We went to Yekaterinburg

Saturday, February 28, 2009

How Do You Feel Being A Mommy?

This has been the most frequently asked question since we have come home. How does it feel? People ask both Mike and I all the time. Neither of us really knows how to answer.

I'm not sure I can say how it feels. I'm not sure the right words are there. Not one for words, unless written on paper, I can't usually answer anyone. Often they find it strange when I simply say, "I don't really know." I'm not sure if the feeling of mommyhood and daddyhood has trully settled in yet.

We have been home a week. Amazing. I never thought I'd see us home with Colby. It seemed such an unreachable dream. But here we are. Both my little men are taking naps and Mommy gets her time on the computer as she watches UCONN Men play against Notre Dame. The Women play later tonight. That's who I really like to watch. Aren't the tournaments starting soon? Anyway, a little reflection. Mommyhood seems unreal, amazing, tiring, thrilling, daunting, exciting, yet frustrating. It feels like every emotion I have ever felt has boiled up to the surface and is struggling to come out. There are moments of pure joy and moments of pure frustration. There are moments when everything feels just perfect and others when I question if Colby will ever learn to love us. So many new things to experience and watching my son, makes every experience a new one for me. The simplest of pleasures today, watching my son smile as he ate chicken nuggets and french fries at Wendy's. A new joy.

What will tomorrow bring?


Heidi said...

Love is an emotion that will grow as the days, weeks, months and years pass. He will continue to see you are both there for him and one day you'll find him looking for you or not wanting to leave your side. When he's ready(or learns) to show his love and emotions he'll go to hold your hand or even at some point a tight hug. I enjoy reading your blog. Heidi

Nicole Brueck said...

After a week home, most days I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He will love you, it just takes some time.
You two will be great parents, and you will look back in a few months and it will be like he was never there.

Amy said...

I get chills reading your posts, it takes me back 5 years when I became a 1st time mom.
At times I felt time was justing standing still (when i was having rough days) but honestly in a blink of an eye my 8 and 14 month old babies are now 6 year olds. Even now, sometimes I think WOW, I'm a MOM... I'm REALLY a MOM. And I wouldn't change it for the world!!!
I can read in your blog that you guys are great parents.